[ good enough. larry doesn't know what that means —not when it comes to his own emotions, much less when it comes to maine's. they're both in one piece, then? probably, at the least, that's what it means. (maine would probably say 'good enough' if he was injured but not very. larry turns that thought over in his mind for a minute before shaking it off.)
the question, the dinner invite comes as a surprise and so it's an unguarded ]
Yes. [ followed immediately by ] If you're sure you want me there? [ you meaning maine. you meaning both maine and gene. the two men he'd been closest to in the aerie, the two most regular partners of the man he'd been there. the man he isn't here, doesn't know how to be.
(how desperately does he wish he could carry that certainty, that easy acceptance within himself here. how desperately does he wish he could wrap the person he'd been there around himself like a cloak, sink into it, stop worrying.) ]
[ The uncertainty behind that question registers, but Maine doesn't know how to address it. Doesn't know what to do other than try to alleviate it with a straightforward answer: ]
Want you there.
[ A "yes" might've done the job. However, this is one of the rare times that Maine figures more words are better than less. ]
[ a "yes" might have done the job, but this is better. this is unequivocal and larry's heart skips a beat and then picks up the pace and he has to remind himself that he can't, shouldn't hope for anything here, the million reasons that speak against anyone wanting him.
but maine wants him there. the flutter of warmth in his chest won't settle. ]
[ He'll pass that along to Gene. In the meantime: ]
Met Gene in simulation. Helped me out.
[ That's a familiar story — Gene helping someone out. Wasn't the last time Gene helped him out, either. Maine has tried to help in turn, as much as he can. Tried to check up on Gene. Make sure he's all right.
It's not unlike the way Maine checks up on Larry. He cares about both of them. Wants to make sure they're okay. Just don't ask him to make a speech about it. ]
[ the little smile that momentarily steals onto larry's features doesn't get transmitted via text, of course, but it's still there. he can't tell whether the little catch in his chest when he thinks of gene was there before the aerie or a result of it. does it matter?
after a beat, thinking about maine saving him from monsters: ] So do you.
[ That hits harder than it should. Harder than it would have before the Aerie. There, Maine was focused on his power and the pursuit of pleasure. He didn't think about helping anyone — not unless it fulfilled a fraction of the craving that burned inside him.
And in this life? He kills shit that needs killing, and he helps those he cares about. (That he no longer knows where the circle of 'those he cares about' ends is a different problem.) Does it balance out? Which is he more likely to do now that he remembers both lives? ]
in the aerie, he'd been certain of his place in the world, comfortable in his own skin, not constantly scared, not filled with the belief that anything he touches will crumble and die, that he'll only make things worse if he gets involved.
he tries, sometimes. he tries not running away. other times, the certainty that he'll only make things worse catches up to him. ]
[ Because it's easier than trying to describe it, Maine attaches a picture of the plants.
"Thriving" is one way to put it. "Attempting a hostile takeover" is another. At a minimum, the spider plant in particular absolutely needs to be repotted. ]
[ Repotting a plant doesn't sound that difficult to Maine. It's just taking the plant out of one pot and putting it in another, right? But he suspects there's more to it than that. Suspects that if he were to try it on his own, he'd probably end up causing damage.
Besides, he'd like Larry's company. He always does. ]
[ it isn't difficult - unless you damage the roots of the plant and then it becomes ruinous. larry figures maine could manage it easily without him, but he would be lying if that would like that doesn't make something inside his chest catch. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
you and me both
the question, the dinner invite comes as a surprise and so it's an unguarded ]
Yes. [ followed immediately by ] If you're sure you want me there? [ you meaning maine. you meaning both maine and gene. the two men he'd been closest to in the aerie, the two most regular partners of the man he'd been there. the man he isn't here, doesn't know how to be.
(how desperately does he wish he could carry that certainty, that easy acceptance within himself here. how desperately does he wish he could wrap the person he'd been there around himself like a cloak, sink into it, stop worrying.) ]
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Want you there.
[ A "yes" might've done the job. However, this is one of the rare times that Maine figures more words are better than less. ]
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[ a "yes" might have done the job, but this is better. this is unequivocal and larry's heart skips a beat and then picks up the pace and he has to remind himself that he can't, shouldn't hope for anything here, the million reasons that speak against anyone wanting him.
but maine wants him there. the flutter of warmth in his chest won't settle. ]
I didn't know you knew Gene.
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[ He'll pass that along to Gene. In the meantime: ]
Met Gene in simulation. Helped me out.
[ That's a familiar story — Gene helping someone out. Wasn't the last time Gene helped him out, either. Maine has tried to help in turn, as much as he can. Tried to check up on Gene. Make sure he's all right.
It's not unlike the way Maine checks up on Larry. He cares about both of them. Wants to make sure they're okay. Just don't ask him to make a speech about it. ]
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[ the little smile that momentarily steals onto larry's features doesn't get transmitted via text, of course, but it's still there. he can't tell whether the little catch in his chest when he thinks of gene was there before the aerie or a result of it. does it matter?
after a beat, thinking about maine saving him from monsters: ] So do you.
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And in this life? He kills shit that needs killing, and he helps those he cares about. (That he no longer knows where the circle of 'those he cares about' ends is a different problem.) Does it balance out? Which is he more likely to do now that he remembers both lives? ]
Sometimes.
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[ it's more than larry does.
in the aerie, he'd been certain of his place in the world, comfortable in his own skin, not constantly scared, not filled with the belief that anything he touches will crumble and die, that he'll only make things worse if he gets involved.
he tries, sometimes. he tries not running away. other times, the certainty that he'll only make things worse catches up to him. ]
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[ It doesn't feel like enough. Not right now. Not after he was connected to everyone as the Aerie faded away.
Fucking existential crisis bullshit. He tries to put it aside, and his thoughts land on a different topic: ]
Plants are thriving.
[ The ones that Larry gave him, he means — although the same could be said for every other plant in this city. ]
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[ okay, all plants in the city are thriving right now, but — still. ]
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[ That would make more sense to Maine. ]
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[ those two things are not mutually exclusive ]
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[ Because it's easier than trying to describe it, Maine attaches a picture of the plants.
"Thriving" is one way to put it. "Attempting a hostile takeover" is another. At a minimum, the spider plant in particular absolutely needs to be repotted. ]
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But I think they're going to need more space and soon.
[ and
well
in a moment of bravery, made easier by maine's earlier want you there: ] I could help you repot them. If you want.
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Besides, he'd like Larry's company. He always does. ]
Would like that.
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Let me know when would be good for you.
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[ The one with the two of them and Gene, he means. ]
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[ that's a yes. ]
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[ Not because Maine objects to having Larry or Gene over, but because things are awkward with his roommates. ]
Don't know location.
[ He probably should've figured that out with Gene before contacting Larry. Whoops. ]
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[ yes?
and now his heart is beating too fast at the thought of seeing maine again, seeing gene again. at the same time. ]
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[ Maybe it'll be awkward. Maybe it won't. Either way, Maine still wants to see Larry again. ]
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[ larry's going to be awkward. he knows he will be, but — he still wants to see maine again, too. ]